*pounce*

No really. What the hell is this thing on me?



Oh shit, it's following me!



Maybe if I stay real still, it will get bored and go away.



Yeah yeah yeah. Happy Halloween to you too, ass. I know where you sleep!

For anyone who may be concerned about my owner being cruel to me, I will let you know that I got rid of this abomination off a few seconds after that last picture was snapped, so I only wore the damned thing for about 5 minutes at most. And then she let me try to kill it. It's a bit indestructible, but the texture is quite nice on the tongue.

We want to live here.

Aha! I bet you'd forgotten about me. I bet you thought I just sat around all the time doing nothing.

Well, you'd be wrong! I only sit around doing nothing half of the time! Like now, while I'm resting on my ottoman. Nanci will say it's her ottoman, but she's a filthy liar, it's mine, mine I say! I keep scratching it and shedding on it and adding my lovely scent to it so it must be mine. I wouldn't do that to other people's things.

Much.

So, what have I been up to? Well, I've been helping mommy look for a new job. She finds something she thinks sounds interesting, and I jump on the keyboard and make all the things on the screen disappear so she knows I approve. I've also been carefully guarding the boxes she brought home from the office. Oh boy, if anyone wants to see what's in those, they'd have to go through me and make me get off of the boxes. And that ain't happening.

I've also been trying to foil the plans of the evil secret spy ring. They meet in Nanci's room. So whenever I have the chance, I sneak in and try to root them out. Nanci doesn't like this so much, though, and she tries to keep me out of the room. Obviously, she's on their side, and I'm getting too close for comfort.

Man, all this talking about me has made me sleepy.

theemdash apparently does not have enough to do. She's taken to blowing bubbles at me every evening.

She doesn't realize the torture! I keep trying to attack them, pounce on them, terrify them into doing my bidding, and yet the moment I close in and attempt to swipe, they disappear! It's like magic. Evil bubbly magic.

Perhaps one day there will be a photo of this, so you can all see my terrifying of the bubbles. Now, if only they could figure out some way to capture the sounds I make in mid-pounce.

This weekend was very trying for me.

Sunday morning, I got closed up in the pantry.




To be fair, grass_stained didn't know that I'd snuck in there when she opened it. And I wasn't in there very long; I didn't even have to cry before she realized I was in there. Just stuck my paws out, batting at things. It was dark, sure, but I've faced worse. Have you ever stared down a vacuum and lived to tell? Doubtful.

Later, I was attacked by theemdash's plethora of Coca-Cola boxes.




Though I really can't complain. They do provide a nice hideaway when trying to nap in the middle of the day. That pesky sun can't get me under my protective cardboard shell!

I didn't do anything wrong (at least, not recently, not that I can remember), and yet I'm caged up today. What's going on? Why am I being punished?

I bet it's that stinky Alli. She probably said I did something.

And since I know you're wondering, I used the power of my cuteness (and a little bit of the Force) to pull the computer within typing range.

I'm so embarrassed.

theemdash stayed home with me today and I was so excited that I left my litter box in a rush and well . . . I dragged. I tried to go back and fix it, but I couldn't get the ground to cover it and then I was yelled at. I started to walk away, but something was still stuck on my tail so I tried to get it off, but it smeared and. . . . I'm so embarrassed!

theemdash cleaned up after me (and she cleaned me, ew!) and I was yelled at again when I tried to sniff the water she was spread all over the floor. It smelled weird, I just wanted to know what it was!

I think she's mad at me. She won't let me snuggle. Maybe she just needs some time.

*off to sulk*

Some people (my mommy, for instance) will tell you that I snore. I overheard someone telling Auntie theemdash that I was so cute in the night because I was "snoring, and making cute little noises."

I am here to state for the record that that is not me. I do not snore. I have a serious medical condition that makes me breathe rather heavily in the night. It's called Runaroundalldayanddon'tstoptotaketwobreathsitis. It's very serious, and I would appreciate it if people did not spread such vicious rumors about me.

And no matter what anyone says, I also don't occasionally make "whuffling" sounds when I sleep. I know this. Even though I'm sleeping. I'm just that good.

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
How I like to eat your branches
O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
How I like to eat your branches

You're yummy and you sparkle bright
You'll be my toy all through the night

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
How I like to eat your branches





( pictures )

So things have been really busy for me lately. Last week, I had surgery to be "spayed." I have no idea what that is, but I came home with a shaved tummy and these things called stitches! They were fun to play with. Mommy says they look like they're healing well, and I have to go back next week to have them removed. Whatever, they haven't stopped me from attacking the evil blinds of doom. I have a new prey, actually—lamp shades! They're so very evil. Also, this "cursor" thing on this flat screen is driving me crazy. I can't hit it, even though I try to tap at it, and where does it go when it's at the side of the screen? I looked behind the screen, it's not there, I tried eating the frame around the screen, still no luck.... I'M SO CONFUSED. Even the appearance of these words is baffling me. I can't attack them, I can't eat them, I can't bat them around like my treats, they just show up. This thing called technology seems very advanced. My aunt Alli got her "computer" back from some place. I wonder how it tastes.

Fear me. I have discovered... BLINDS.

So grass_stained and theemdash had a "housewarming" party today. But really, it was a party all for me. Their friends and Alli's family came over to see me. What else would be the point? I got lots of toys, but I think they're keeping some of them from me. Something about "overstimulation." Anyway, I played with all of their friends for a while. They're good people. They brought me toys! Did I mention that already?

But really, entertaining these people is exhausting. I finally had to take a nap. And then they kept staring at me, and saying how cute I am (naturally), and talking about me, but I ignored them and slept.

Oh yeah, and my paws are purple now. I decided to start there and see how I like it. I'm thinking of being Punk Rock Kitty for Halloween.

Last night, grass_stained thought she might have a relaxing bath, with Harry Potter re-reading and hot chocolate. I had other plans. Who can resist a big vat of water?! Not me. She left the bathroom door cracked a bit because she knows I don't like to be alone when I know someone's home. Well, I had to check it out. I kept sticking my paw in. It went something like this:

Jump up on edge of bathtub. Perch precariously, almost fall in, and make my mommy freak out. Lean forward enough to get my paw in the water. Realize it's wet and I'm not a fan of that. Pull myself back up to sit on the edge, shake foot off to dry. Try again with other paw. Realize it's still wet. Run away, because water = bad. Repeat from beginning.

And then, when I tried to get a drink, mommy was like "No!" Something about a bath bead and not knowing what kind of chemicals might be in it and not for kitties to drink. Silly mommy. Guess she doesn't know how often I break into the catnip, but I think she has started suspecting it.

Apparently it's funny when I try to attack things and end up with my back leg stuck behind my ears. Who knew?

Now I have a new permanent potty! Whee!

Yesterday afternoon, my mommy came home and took me to the vet. I'm not too keen on vets, cos I don't like being poked with needles and stuff like that, but this vet was very nice. He and all his vet technicians think I am the cutest thing ever, and really, who can blame them? I got vaccinated against upper respiratory infection and feline leukemia (I think—it's difficult to remember these things when the vets give you a pen to play with). The vet told grass_stained that the injections might make me sleepy, but when I got home, we realized that they'd given me a new toy in the "New Kitten Welcome Bag" they handed us. TOY! And we think it had catnip in it. So I defied that vet and got busy killing things, instead of being sleepy.

Later last night, I was getting kind of sleepy, but then auntie jandrew and her fiancé came over to see me, so I had to be cute and put on a show. That was lots of fun—I miss them. They brought me a new toy, too! I bet mommy was thinking I'd be up all night playing with my new toys, but instead, I curled up on her bed while she was watching Veronica Mars on that computer thing she has. And I stayed there all night. I think I woke her up a couple of times, making my sleepy noises, but she didn't seem to mind, as that made her lean over and kiss me (so. annoying!). But today is a new day, I have new toys, it's time to kill things.

jedimara77 is the best aunty in the world. She took off her clothes—well, just her belt, really—and played with me for a whole hour. Silly Nanci, she thought I'd get tired. But no! It takes more than a belt and an hour of amusement to tire me out. I think I'll go tackle my film canister now. Oh wait, there's a bag! No, film canister! Bag! Canister!

(Vera's actual contribution)

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I am a trouble-maker, and I like it. This morning, I thought I'd be all cute and run to grass_stained when she finally opened the door, and then cuddle with her for a few minutes. Of course, then I had to nibble on her hands, because she tastes good. I ran around for a little bit, making sure to jump on her any time it seemed appropriate (and a few times when it probably wasn't necessary, but it was fun). Finally, my big moment came, and I took advantage of it, emptying the contents of my bladder on her bed. SCORE! I win at life.

I had a really rough night last night. I was chasing the plastic knife and then I ran right into lord_varos's leg! I was knocked flat on my back. After that I was really tired so I had to fall asleep on him. He didn't seem to mind, so I curled up in his lap and then stretched out. Some hands petted me so I purred and it was really nice.

Later my mommy grass_stained came home and she gave me lots of love. I got lonely in the middle of the night and I called out to her. I &hearts her.